Challenge nicely met! I particularly liked the emotions that you brought out so well with your descriptions of the actions of Sherlock and John. Only suggestion might be the first sentence. Just struck me as a bit awkward. I love the analogy of lab rat and then 'scurry' in the next sentence. Perhaps, "like the lab rat in a maze, John scurries..."? I don't know. Not an expert. Just a thought. Great piece. And unequal pupils -- not good! Nice detail though and very Sherlock-y response :) Couple great lines: Funny that Sherlock knows that sound so well now. -- LOL! funny indeed :) It's a fortunate thing for Sherlock and his sight that the doctor keeps his fingernails so neatly trimmed, -- nice comic relief in the midst of building tension
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2013-03-07 11:37 pm (UTC)I particularly liked the emotions that you brought out so well with your descriptions of the actions of Sherlock and John.
Only suggestion might be the first sentence. Just struck me as a bit awkward. I love the analogy of lab rat and then 'scurry' in the next sentence. Perhaps, "like the lab rat in a maze, John scurries..."? I don't know. Not an expert. Just a thought.
Great piece. And unequal pupils -- not good! Nice detail though and very Sherlock-y response :)
Couple great lines:
Funny that Sherlock knows that sound so well now. -- LOL! funny indeed :)
It's a fortunate thing for Sherlock and his sight that the doctor keeps his fingernails so neatly trimmed, -- nice comic relief in the midst of building tension
Thanks for writing and sharing!