Personal depressing stuff I just need to get off my chest

[spacemutineer]

Trigger warning for sad pet stuff.

I'm sitting here frustrated with myself because I really need to get cracking on writing a bunch of things right now, particularly my story for acd_holmesfest and sherlock60 stuff, but I am having the hardest time concentrating. Feeling depressed, I guess.

We just found out one of our two cats has cancer last week. She had surgery, but it is very likely it will come back. It usually does. The vet referred me to a pet oncologist, which I thought was ludicrous. I love my cat, but I am not going to pay thousands of dollars to torture her in a way I can't explain to her to buy a few extra sickly months. She's happy now (or will be once the Elizabethan collar comes off) and we'll keep her as happy we can as long as we can. And then when we can't anymore, we will try to make another rescue cat happy as we can as long as we can. It's all we can do for our pets. We'll always outlive them.

It's easy to say that logically, but it's hard not to be upset about it emotionally. She's my silly stupid fatty girl, and whenever she leaves, I will miss her terribly. I dread the concept of having to decide when is her time.

But for all my feelings on what's happening, the cat herself is oblivious. She's livid about that plastic collar, and she gets annoyed by all the extra close snugglings she gets. She never did like things close to her face, plastic or human. But during breaks from her collar, she's as excitable and sprightly as ever. May it last.

Comments

[tweedisgood.livejournal.com]

Sending love...

It's hard when all the "emotional labour" is done by one party, and that party is you, though as you say inevitable in the circumstances. You can only do what you can do, and go easy on yourself whilst doing it.

Anything I can do to help, just say the word.

[spacemutineer.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It means a lot to me, it really does. I keep thinking I'm totally okay about it, but it keeps sneaking back up on me occasionally.

But I'm getting this story for the fest done. I may trim the concept back a bit, we'll see, but I'm going to finish it. Would you be able to beta for me when it's done?

[tweedisgood.livejournal.com]

It'd be a pleasure.

[hardboiledbaby]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You are right, but logic and being right gives little comfort when it comes to matters of the heart. However many days you have together, may they all be filled with love. *hugs*

[methylviolet10b]

I'm so sorry. It's a horribly difficult thing to have to face, particularly since the cat can't understand what's happening to her. I know you'll do your best for her, and that her days will be as happy as you can make them. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, too.

If there's anything I can do, please just say the word.

[scfrankles.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say that I feel for you in this awful situation. You seem such a thoughtful and caring owner - your "silly stupid fatty girl" is very lucky to have you.

[sabrinaphynn.livejournal.com]

Sending you and your kitty some love. I just lost mine about a month ago, and her absence is still palpable here at home.
Alas, that's the price we pay for love, eh? But I am sure you will give her the best days she can have until she can't go on.
Hugs to you and treats for the kitty.